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  • Writer's pictureJill Jablonski

The Mindset Secret to Creating the Life You Want

Personal and Self Development circles talk about Mindset a lot - so much so that it’s become almost cliche causing many an eye roll but the reason we talk about it so much is because it’s really that important.

Your mindset, and more specifically the quality of your mindset is what your entire life is built on. It can improve your wellbeing and ability to succeed as well as increase your enjoyment of life – OR NOT! … All depending on the quality.  

What do I mean by quality???

The Quality of your mindset is its orientation – either Growth or Fixed. A person with a Fixed mindset says: That’s just the way I am, I wasn’t born with that talent or that skill or compared to that person, I’m not as smart or as capable. Well of course THEY can be successful because they have (fill in the blank – money, time, a partner, good looks, must be lucky, etc) 

But a person with a Growth mindset is oriented towards seeking opportunities in life to grow, learn, and evolve.

The Growth mindset leads to a meaningful and fulfilling life. That’s not to say everything is perfect and always happy and successful but the person with a Growth mindset faces life with a general optimism that brings feelings of positivity, empowerment, free will and HOPE, even through challenges. The Growth-minded person faces a challenge KNOWING they will get through it and KNOWING that they will be a better person somehow on the other side of it.

The Fixed mindset leads to stagnancy, disappointment, resentment, and frustration usually leaving the person exhausted and feeling hopeless about life.

So you can see how important the quality of your mindset really, truly is – it can be the difference between having hope or NOT - and not having hope is one of the saddest places a person can be.

If you want to assess the quality of your mindset, some of the questions you can ask yourself are:

o   Am I generally a positive person?

o   Do I own my mistakes and use them as opportunities to learn and try again?

o   When I’m not successful at something I really want to do the first couple of times that I try, do I seek out the information or skills that I need to improve?

o   Am I generally pretty happy with the life I’ve created for myself, knowing I have the power everyday to improve it?

If you said YES to those questions, CongratulationS!!! You have a Growth Mindset!!

Let’s try a couple more:

·       When something challenging or difficult happens, do I tend to give up, look for someone to blame, think “Why is this happening to me?”

·       Do I spend a lot of time complaining? Or VENTING?

·       Am I encountering similar challenging situations or types of conflict with different people in different areas of my life?

·       Do I take care of others wellbeing or feelings more than I take care of my own?  

·       Do I tend to look to others for my happiness in life?

·       Am I tired and frustrated most or all of the time?

If you said YES to those questions, you may have a Fixed mindset but don’t worry! I have good news for you – YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MINDSET!!!

(And just to let you know, this is a lot of what I support my clients with so if you have questions about how I can support you in this, you can email me at

It used to be that we thought that things like mindset, intelligence, and talent, all of these personality characteristics that are seated in the brain were things that we were BORN with – static, fixed, unchangeable. The brain was considered an organ that couldn’t renew itself or adapt – that once you lost brain cells or a level of functionality, they were gone for good!

Well, we now know that the brain is what’s called “plastic” or the scientific term for it is:


That is the process that involves adaptive structural and functional changes to the brain. It’s the ability of the nervous system to change its activity in response to intrinsic or extrinsic stimuli by reorganizing its structure, functions, or connections.


Think of it this way, if you were building a house that needed to be able to withstand high winds, rising water, erosion, and blazing Summer Sun, - you can’t change the environment,  right? But you can choose the materials you use to build with. What kind of materials would you use? Wouldn’t you want to fortify your structure against those environmental challenges and use the strongest and highest quality materials that you could?

If you want to create your most meaningful and fulfilling life, you need the strongest and highest quality mindset that you can develop….It’s really that simple. And the good news is: IT IS SOMETHING THAT’S IN YOUR POWER TO BE DEVELOPED!

So, real quick, what are we talking about when we say Mindset?

Mindset includes:

·       Established set of attitudes you routinely operate with

·       set of beliefs that shape how you interpret, make sense of, and respond to the world and yourself

·       your way of thinking

·       your outlook on yourself, the world, and life

·       includes opinions, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, attitudes, mood


As we grow from children into adulthood – we need to be aware of how our mindset has been influenced by our environment including family & friends,  society, media, culture (A big clue is when you think to yourself “I have to, I should, ought to” – those are red flags)



Your mindset shapes your habits – because thoughts can influence our emotions which can influence our behaviors which can then become habits.

You may or may not be aware of your mindset – most people are typically operating on autopilot – which is why it’s good to examine our mindset on a regular basis and look at the habits we’re creating from that mindset to make sure that our mindset is in alignment with our values and the goals we want to accomplish.

We need to bring our mindset into our conscious awareness through self reflection – we need to look at those places in our lives where we’re operating on autopilot and make sure that those behaviors are taking us in the direction of our values and therefore our goals.

Without the proper mindset, we can sometimes find ourselves in a loop of procrastination, self sabotage, resistance, defeat, disappointment, people-pleasing, fear, etc without even realizing it.

Our modern lives are increasingly uncertain and the rapid rate of near constant change demands that we develop the skills to adapt and cope with the current state of our world.

Adopting a Growth Mindset is the solution to this. It empowers you to improve your wellbeing and ability to feel successful as well as increase your enjoyment of life.


Characteristics of People who possess a Growth Mindset

Ø  Believe their abilities, skills, talents, intelligence, etc, can be developed through putting the hard work into practice– they see EFFORT AS THE PATH TO MASTERY

Ø  Seek feedback and use it to improve

Ø  Value the process over the outcome, the journey over the destination

Ø  Make choices, not excuses

Ø  Have an attitude of gratitude and savor the positive moments

Ø  Reframe situations or challenges to see them as opportunities for learning and growth instead of setbacks – OBSTACLES ARE THE PATH –

§  When you do this, you literally change your physiology. When you respond to an obstacle as though it were an expected part of the journey instead of reacting in a panic, it regulates your nervous system so that you’re not activating your fight/flight response. This allows you to handle the challenge with access to your creativity instead of feeling stuck in the brain fog of survival mode.

Ø  Maintain a generally optimistic outlook on life

Ø  Have increased their comfort with taking measured risks

Ø  Are creative and innovative thinkers willing to employ outside the box solutions

Ø  Have a bias toward ACTION (vs over-thinking, over-analyzing, ruminating on a past issue)

Ø  Are NOT looking for external validation or permission

Ø  Are present in the NOW with an orientation to the future (the past is the past – you learn from it and MOVE ON!)

Ø  Are flexible, adaptable and can go with the flow

Ø  Monitor their self-talk and take time to make it positive

Ø  Are focused on the intrinsic motivation for what they want to do – What’s your WHY? Feeling of independence, accomplishment, competence, belonging, of service

Ø  See themselves as whole beings, knowing they already have everything they need to succeed inside of them


So how do you cultivate a Growth Mindset? Here are 12 ways to get you started:

1.      Compete only with yourself – no comparing! Baby steps, 1% better every time you try, progress is progress

2.      But do look around for others who have achieved what you desire and see it as evidence or proof that IT IS POSSIBLE!! If they can do it, you can too.

3.      Focus on and praise the effort, not the ability – give yourself credit for the effort

4.      Enjoy the process and the journey, take pleasure in the effort and how it makes you feel

5.      Switch failure to NOT YET – learn from your mistakes and try, try again

6.      Get curious! Look at things from a beginner’s perspective and ask questions

7.      Seek feedback from those you trust and use it to improve

8.      Challenge yourself! Take on things that feel a little uncomfortable, difficult or scary in an exciting way – things that make you stretch

9.      Chase your passions and have high standards (CAUTION: don’t get caught up in perfectionism) be willing to make mistakes

10.  Release the need for external validation

11.  Spend time in self-reflection and journaling

12.  Adopt a bias towards values-centered action

13.  Get support – hire a coach, get a trusted friend to be your accountability buddy


When you actively and intentionally adopt a Growth Mindset, you are living strategically, at cause, opening and expanding yourself to the Infinite Possibilities of the Universe!

THIS IS THE SECRET to co-creating your life with the Divine according to the plan of your Unlimited Soul’s potential! The Universe sees your efforts, and conspires in your favor!

If this sounds like something you'd like support in working on, email me at

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